Thursday, March 17, 2011

Little Johnny FTW!

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"



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Little Johnny likes to gamble.

One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.

Johnny’s daddy thinks, “I’ll get a head start on Johnny’s gambling.”

So he calls the teacher and says, “My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you’ll have to keep an eye on him.”

The teacher says OK, she can handle it.

The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, “Hi, my name is Johnny.”

She says yes I know who you are.

Johnny smiles and says, “I bet you ten dollars you’ve got a mole on your butt.”

The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.

She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.

That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.

So his dad calls the teacher and says, “Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost.”

The teacher says, “Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem.”

Johnny’s dad laughs and says, “No you didn’t, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he’d see your ass before the day was over.”


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Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an “F” in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father.
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ’6.’”
“But that’s right!” The father replied.
“Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’”
“What the heck’s the stupid difference?” asked the father.
“That’s what I said!”


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The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, “My daddy fell in well last week.”

“Good Lord!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he OK?”

“He must be,” said Little Johnny. “He stopped calling for help yesterday.”



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A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well
“Yes! Of course! My pop taught me…even more than 10″
“Good. What comes after three?”
“Four,” answers the boy.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven.”
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your erm…dad did a good job. Now…so what comes after…lets say ten?”
“A jack”



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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”

“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”



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